


Someone To Stay

by Polarnacht



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Marking, Possessive Jace Wayland, Possessive Sex, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Rough Sex, Self-Sacrificing Alec Lightwood, Smut, Top Jace Wayland, implied suicidal thoughts, parabatai love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:54:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28110474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: Alec has always hated winter and Christmas, the season too cold and too fake for his liking. This year, it is even worse as Clary has entered his world and is about to shred it to pieces. Nevertheless he helps the others to retrieve the Mortal Cup. Hunted by demons, they flee into the catacombs of New York. Alec decides to stay behind to fight off the demons, buying the others enough time to get away. Jace returns just in time to save Alec from dying. In the wake of this incident, Jace finally realizes what Alec has always meant to him: everything. As it is the night before Christmas, Jace decides to make it special for Alec. But nothing is always as easy as it seems...
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 14
Kudos: 138
Collections: Jalec Secret Santa 2020





	Someone To Stay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nadja_Lee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/gifts).



> Nadja, I truly hope you'll enjoy your gift, it's written with much love 💙
> 
> A huge thank you to Jessa 💙 for being my beta & a special thank you to Windy92 💙 for encouraging me and introducing me to this Jalec song. It's really good, listen to it 😉
> 
> Title: Vancouver Sleep Clinic - Someone To Stay

Alec hated winter. He hated the cold and the empty promise of coziness one should find behind the walls of one’s home. But never did. His home was as cold as the blowing wind outside.

Demons didn’t care about the weather. They roamed the city whenever they pleased, making it obligatory for Shadowhunters to patrol even on the coldest nights. And even without demon activity they were sent out anyway, as his parents didn’t care. Enduring the cold while walking the lonely, empty New York streets at three in the morning shaped your character. Made you stronger. Or something like that.

Alec hated it. He hated how the cold creeped into his body and took possession of it, no matter which clothes he put on. No matter what rune he applied. Since Jace and he were Parabatai, it was slightly better. A Heating rune applied by Jace worked better than his own. But even this rune was not strong enough to keep his fingers warm. Alec hated the feeling of his stiff fingers around his bow. It felt unfamiliar. It felt wrong. He didn’t miss a shot, but nevertheless – he hated it.

He hated the darkness winter brought, but he hated the Mundane lights even more. The Christmas trees with their sparkling lights, the blinking stars and candles that were everywhere. The fucking angels. Especially the angels. They all promised something that never happened and Alec was tired of the reminder that everyone had light and yet he was still surrounded by darkness.

He didn’t care about Christmas itself – there was no God, he hardly believed in angels. How could he believe in the Son or a god when sometimes he doubted his own ancestors? Of course he knew that angels existed. Their blood was running through his veins, making his body light up when applying the signs given by them. Enhancing his powers. But sometimes he just couldn’t believe _in_ the angels. He was not doubting their existence, but the things the Clave taught about them: that they were flawless, noble, good. Why didn’t they do more than just gift them runes? Why didn’t they fight the demons too? Why not gift more powers?

Grumpily, he kicked aside a blinking angel decorating the front of a building and followed the others. This year was even worse. This year, there was _Claa-ry._ Since Jace had picked up the little girl in a club, his life had made a turn for the worse. Though she didn’t know anything about the Shadow World, she felt entitled to order all of them around. And to Alec’s astonishment Jace, of all people, followed her. Jace, who usually never cared to follow any order but his own, let her push him around.

Alec hated it. But not enough not to follow Jace and the others, too afraid of the danger they would end up in without him. And well, Jace had always been Jace to him. When he asked, Alec complied. Though sometimes, Alec just hated it. 

* * *

Alec felt adrenaline rushing through his veins while he followed the others down into the catacombs under the city. They were a labyrinth of paths that if chosen the right way would lead them directly to the Institute. _If_ they chose the right way. If the demons that followed them weren’t faster. _Shapeshifters._ It had nearly taken them that moment too long to look through their glamour and see the demons behind the police officers the demons pretended to be.

At least they had gotten what they came for: the Mortal Cup. It was hidden in a tarot card and said card was tucked away in Clary’s purse. Why Clary, of all people, carried the cup and not an experienced Shadowhunter like himself, Jace or Izzy was lost to Alec. Clary had not the slightest idea how to fight or what she was doing in general. But as so many things were lost to him right now, he hadn’t even questioned it, just accepted it. And now running along the dark tunnels, chased by the shapeshifters that clearly outnumbered them, the decision felt even more stupid than before. But as they had no time to argue, and Clary would never hand over the cup without arguing, Alec made a decision himself. The first sensible one all day in his mind.

They had just run around a corner and gotten into a passage that was easy to defend with a bow. At least for a while. 

“Jace, get her and the cup to safety. I’ll give you rear cover and fight the demons off.” He had already positioned himself, an arrow nocked and was facing towards the nearing demons.

“Alec, no-” Jace sounded hesitant, not sure what to do.

“I said go. Now.” Without looking back, his eyes fixed to the place that would soon be flooded with demons. Alec gave the order again. And of course, Jace followed. The one time, when it was about leaving Alec behind, he followed his lead. Alec gritted his teeth.

“Come on, Clary. Quick.” Jace still sounded hesitant, even reluctant. But he ordered Clary to leave with him. 

Alec heard Clary opening her mouth to argue, but in the end Jace managed to drag her away. Alec listened to the softening sound of running footsteps, swallowing around a lump in his throat. He straightened his back and let his arrow fly as soon as the first demon stepped around the corner. His arrow hit spot on, and with a shrieking noise the demon turned into ashes, banished back to its home dimension. 

Mechanically, Alec drew another arrow, nocked it, let it fly. It was a soothing rhythm, a rhythm his body was used to. He didn’t need to think, his body knew what to do without him needing to tell it. Nearing footsteps from behind startled Alec and pulled him out of his trance. 

He adjusted himself so that he could glance back to see who was approaching him. He swallowed when he saw who it was. _Damn it._

“Alec. I’m back. I couldn’t leave you alone. I’m sorry.” The blond approached him with quick steps, moving with his usual swagger and over-confidence. He moved nearly soundlessly, only Alec’s enhanced hearing had allowed him to hear him at all. 

“Alec,” the blond said again, clearly waiting for an answer. Waiting for gratitude or something like that. 

Alec just huffed, not bothering with an answer. The words hurt, although he was not ready to admit that. He had given the order but a part of him had hoped for Jace to stay. With him. Hearing the blond say these apologetic words now hurt. But Alec was even more annoyed than hurt. Even more than annoyed. He was furious. 

He couldn’t say what angered him more. That he just needed _one_ look at the blond thing in front of him to know that it wasn’t Jace or that the shapeshifter dared to use Jace’s face and thought he could fool him. Him, who knew Jace inside out. The way he moved. The way he spoke. The way his eyes narrowed just that tiny bit when saying Alec’s name. The way his lips curled into a smug smile. The way he groaned when they sparred and Alec had the upper hand for once. 

How dare that demon? And how dare the demon use the words Alec longed to hear from the real Jace?

With deadly precision Alec let his nocked arrow loose, hitting the Jace-faced demon spot on, directly between his eyes. Demon-Jace’s lips turned into a snarl before he crumbled to ashes. 

Alec cursed under his breath. Where this demon came from, there would surely be more. Somehow they had found another way through the labyrinth and had managed to close in on him. It was the first time that he realized that he was screwed. Very thoroughly screwed. He was alone and surrounded. And he was running out of arrows. He was good with his blades, but there was no way he could keep up with so many demons. Demons that would approach from both sides. It was then that Alec realized that he would probably die that night. One day before fucking Christmas Eve. Alec just hated the holiday season. 

With a groan of frustration, he used his last arrow then threw his useless bow to the side and drew his Seraph Blade. “Azrael,” Alec whispered quietly, and as soon as the blade recognized the angelic name, it lit up in its usual golden glow. Damn the angels and their complicated ways of granting them powers. 

Alec heard footsteps again, coming from the dark tunnel behind him. This time, the demons didn’t bother to carry someone else's face. Alec tightened his grip around the hilt, his muscles tensed in anticipation. He wouldn’t go down without a fight and he would take as many demons with him as he could. Buying the others as much time as he was capable of. 

The first demon fell to his side, vanishing with a shriek. A second followed soon after. They were many but not used to fighting, relying on their ability to trick people. But they were clever. They ganged up on him. Three charged at Alec at the same time, their claws and fangs reeled-out. Alec sashayed to the side to avoid the first, killing the second with one blow. The third buried his claw deep into his side, ripping his skin open. Alec hissed in pain, but managed to wiggle his body out of the grip. He felt his flesh tear more, but at least he was free. 

Blood was running down his side when he killed another shapeshifter. And another. But his energy seeped out of his body as the blood was easing out of his wound. His arm got heavier every time he raised his blade to bring it down. To kill yet another demon, that was quickly replaced by another.

When a second demon got through his defence and managed to land a blow to his temple, Alec went down with a pained scream. His vision went dark for a few seconds before he regained consciousness. He tried to crawl away, but had to realize that his body didn’t obey his command anymore. A rattling sound escaped his mouth while he tried to mobilize all his strength to get up. Get away. Do anything. But in vain. 

Black spots were dancing before his eyelids. Every intake of breath hurt - until it stopped. His whole body stopped hurting, and though Alec knew this should worry him, he just felt calm. His mind was growing light and dizzy, he felt himself float over his body. Just a tiny part of him clung stubbornly to his human vessel, the rest was already moving on. To another place. Another world. Or to nothing at all. 

Another demon was over him, his claws extended, ready to attack when suddenly Alec was coated in a golden light. Alec choked on a laugh. Who would have known that the Mundanes were right with the light at the end of a tunnel while dying? Fucking Mundanes and their god and afterlife. It even looked like one of his own fucking angels was there to collect him. Blond and golden, his whole body glowing with angelic grace. The angel was just missing wings.

“Alec.” 

The one word spoken with such pain and urgency in it shook Alec out of his dizzy state. His mind slammed back into his body, making him cry out with pain. He drew in a rattling breath, trying to say something back, but only blood was running out of his mouth. His eyes rolled back in his head while this time not only a tiny part of him clung to his body, but his whole being. 

“Don’t you dare, Alec. Don’t you dare. Stay with me. Alec! Stay. With. Me.” Jace sounded panicked while Alec felt his gear pushed away and cold metal was pressed to his skin. His body lit up, the sting making him groan again. Pain jolted through his body, lingering where the angelic magic knitted his flesh back together. 

“Please, Alec. Stay with me. I need you, Alec. I can’t live without you. Please, Alec. Just stay.” Jace’s voice was still trembling, though Alec felt that the panic had eased a little when the formerly gaping wound was closing. But it seemed Jace was not only trembling out of fear. But also out of something else. Before Alec could wrap his head around what that could be, Jace’s hands on his body made it impossible to think. 

Jace’s hands were touching him gently, looking for more injuries. Another Iratze was placed on his temple to close the wound there faster. When only pink skin was left and Jace didn’t find more wounds, he scooped Alec up, a choked sob escaping his throat. 

“Alec.” It was all Jace seemed capable of saying while pulling Alec even closer. 

For a moment they just sat there, Jace rocking Alec back and forth, while his hands roamed over Alec’s body, as if he was still not fully convinced that Alec was healed and alive. That he hadn’t left but stayed. 

“Alec, I-”

“You came back for me.” Alec’s breathing was still ragged and the words barely audible. Jace had come back. Jace had saved him. 

“Of course, Alec. How could I not. You’re my Parabatai. My everything.” 

For a moment Alec let himself lean into Jace. Not only in his body and embrace, but also in his words. _Everything._ How much he longed for being just that. How much he needed to be just that. So he took the word and cherished it, though it surely couldn’t mean what he hoped it did. 

“Let’s get you to the Institute. We need to move before more of those come. Or worse ones.” Jace sounded urgent but also reluctant. Reluctant to let Alec go just yet. 

Alec nodded weakly, with the same reluctance he felt from Jace. He didn’t want to move. Not when he was just where he belonged. In Jace’s arms. But of course he knew Jace was right. They needed to leave. Leave this place of death. But also this place of comfort. 

With a sound that was a mix between a groan and moan, Alec tore away from the warmth Jace provided, shivering lightly. Jace’s hand shot out, stabilizing him before Alec could fall back on his knees. 

“Let’s go,” Jace whispred, his hand not leaving Alec’s arm. In Jace’s other hand he held a glowing Seraph Blade. Jace picked up Alec’s blade and placed it in Alec’s hand.

“Azrael,” Alec whispered, watching the blade light up again. 

“Azrael. Really, Alec?” Jace sounded incredulous, but Alec just shrugged and huffed. _The Angel of Death._ It was a fitting name. He _had_ nearly died. He still felt a little like dying. 

Jace tightened his hold on his arm when he started to move as fast as possible. Alec knew he was slowing them down, that Jace could go much faster without him. But he was tired. Just so tired. And though his wounds were closed, his whole body still hurt. All he wanted to do was curl into a ball. In Jace’s arms, preferably, though he knew that wouldn’t happen. 

A sigh of relief escaped Alec’s mouth when the tunnels got more familiar, indicating that they were getting closer to the Institute. By now, Jace nearly carried him, as he was leaning heavily into him. But Jace didn’t seem to mind. His runes just glowed brighter and he had pocketed his own blade to be able to carry Alec better, clearly trusting Alec enough to defend them both if need be, despite his weak state.

When they entered the Institute, Alec was sure Jace would bring him into the Infirmary and leave him there, letting the healers deal with him. Surely Jace wanted to check on _Claa-ry_ or had something else to do. He was surprised when Jace dragged him into his own room, placing him carefully on the bed.

“Do you need more healing, Alec? Should I send for someone?” Jace’s voice was gentle and concerned, but Alec just shook his head. He didn’t need a healer. He just needed sleep. And Jace. 

With quick hands Jace unlaced Alec’s boots and tore them off his feet. “Come on, let’s get you into the shower. Let’s get you clean and warm.” 

Alec wanted to shake his head again, the thought alone of having to get up too tiring, but then he didn’t. Who was he to say no to Jace? Especially when Jace sounded so soft and tender and commanding at the same time. Willingly he pushed himself up, glad for Jace’s arms that slipped around his shoulders to stabilize him. Without protest he let Jace strip him. He lifted his arms with a small groan to make it easier for Jace to get rid of his shirt, and stepped out of his pants obediently. 

Jace had already started the shower to warm it up. The running of the water was a soothing noise and Alec could barely hold his eyes open. A gentle nudge made him step under the hot steam. Alec gasped quietly when he realized that Jace followed him, having stripped quickly himself. 

Alec was glad for the hot water and all the steam, as he hoped it would cover the blush that creeped over his cheeks. Though he was tired to the bones and unable to move, of course his body was able to _blush._ But his embarrassment was forgotten when he felt Jace’s hands in his hair, massaging his scalp lightly. A moan escaped Alec’s mouth at the sensation, a sound he was not going to acknowledge having made. 

Jace took the bottle with shampoo and poured a decent amount of it into his hand. Alec sighed when he felt Jace's gentle fingers in his hair, this time not caring about the sounds he was making. It just felt too good to care. He felt the warmth getting back into his bones. Into his soul. Into his heart. When he looked down, he realized astonished that the water was still not clear, but muddy red. He had not been aware of how much blood he had lost and how much was still lingering on his skin.

Jace took his time, shampooing Alec’s hair carefully before he started to rinse it out. With gentle movements he brushed over Alec’s temple, rubbing lightly at the encrusted blood until only clean skin was left. Alec had to bite his lip to suppress the whimper when Jace was finished, thinking that Jace would be done. But Jace was far from done. He fetched the other bottle with shower gel and started to foam Alec’s chest, rubbing little circles over his nipples before his hands moved lower, over his abs and his obliques. Jace took his time to inspect the wound at his side, the wound that had nearly been fatal. If Jace hadn’t showed up in time. If something in Alec hadn’t clung to life more stubbornly than the rest. Probably it had been Jace’s part in his soul. Jace had always been more stubborn than himself. 

Alec closed his eyes while Jace foamed the rest of his body. His thighs, his calves, his back. Even his ass. Just with the right pressure, just using his nails slightly to drive Alec towards madness. 

“Alec.” 

Alec felt Jace’s breath on his skin, even with all the steam in the shower he knew he was standing now right in front of him. Goosebumps were spreading at the sound of it, the fear and desperation audible in just his name. 

“You can’t, Alec. You just can’t.” 

Alec smiled at that. It was such a Jace thing to say. Or rather not say. But he felt the concern, the slight panic urging through the bond as much as he felt Jace’s hand on his face, his thumb that ran down his jawline, making him shiver despite the hot water. 

Alec just blinked and shook his head. Lost for words. Of course he _won’t._ Of course he wouldn’t leave Jace. Not when getting left behind was the one thing Jace feared the most. And then, Alec was completely lost. Completely, utterly lost. Because he didn’t feel Jace's hot breath on his face anymore. But his lips. Lips that brushed over his own, tenderly, but with enough pressure not to be an imagination. They were gone as quickly as they had come, but Alec still felt them, burning into his skin, branding him forever. He felt his lips form a surprised o, but Jace had already turned the water off and was shoving him out of the shower. 

Alec wondered briefly if the towels had always been that soft, or if Jace rubbing him dry made the difference. “Jace, I-”. Alec could hear how slurred his words were. 

But Jace shushed him with one finger pressed to his lips. “Not now, Alec. You’re shivering. You need to get into bed and sleep. We can talk later.” Jace pressed a soft kiss to Alec’s temple, before he helped him put on sweatpants and a hoodie. Though his body clearly needed the clothes, the warmth they provided - Alec’s heart disapproved. But there was nothing he could do against Jace’s gentle but demanding hands, that treated him like a rag doll. 

“There,” Jace whispered when Alec was fully dressed. “Isn't that better?” It was. And it wasn’t. Alec nearly swayed when he tried to make his way to the bed, the few feet seemingly unmanageable as exhaustion took possession of him more and more. He was glad when Jace was by his side again, equally dressed now, and guiding him towards the bed.

Jace threw back the cover and pushed Alec tenderly but firmly into the bed, tucking him in when Alec complied. But instead of leaving, what Alec had secretly feared, Jace slipped under the sheets next to him.

“I’m staying.” Jace’s voice left no room to argue, though arguing about Jace staying would have been the last thing on Alec’s mind. He smiled a little however, being reminded of the times he had said the same and done the same. When they had been younger and Jace had needed him. He had never given Jace a choice but just done the same; what Jace did now. Nearly the same, as he had never kissed Jace. Had Jace really kissed him? Or had his exhausted brain made this up?

“You should sleep.” Jace tenderly brushed an unruly strand of hair out of Alec’s face, pulling Alec back out of his emergent spiraling. 

“Tell me something.” Alec was as tired as he could get, but his brain was too active. Too ready to make him fret over what had happened, too ready to let his insecurities take over and not sleep. He needed a distraction. 

Jace mirrored his own smile from before when he snuggled deep into the pillow, his hand not leaving Alec’s hair, the gentle strokes being as soothing as they were arousing. 

“You know what day tomorrow is?” Jace asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. “Tomorrow is Christmas. And I know, it’s a Mundane thing and we never celebrated it, but Clary told me a lot about it. It sounds actually quite nice. You get presents, but more importantly you give presents. And you spend the time with the person you love the most.” 

Alec’s eyes fluttered inevitably shut listening to Jace’s soft voice, though he asked himself why Jace was telling him all that. Did Jace buy Clary a present? Did Jace want to spend tomorrow with her? But before he could ask or just make a sound, sleep took over already. 

* * *

Jace sighed when he saw that Alec had finally fallen asleep. He knew he had done the right thing to put Alec to bed and not drag him into _his_ bed, though that had been all he had wanted to do. But Alec had been way too tired, way too exhausted and still way too dizzy to make such a decision. 

Jace bit his lip when he thought that he had nearly lost Alec today. That he was losing Alec a little bit each day since he had decided to help Clary at all costs. No matter the costs. It had taken demons and a nearly fatal wound to show him that the costs were unbearably high. That losing Alec was something he would not survive. Be it in the literal sense, or be it in the figurative sense. 

Brushing his lips against Alec’s had been the most natural thing in the world - and the most exciting one. The moment their lips had met, Jace knew that he would never get enough of Alec’s taste, of the texture of his skin. The little sounds Alec was not even aware of making, the way his brows furrowed when he was thinking of something. He just would never get enough of Alec. 

Jace’s smile deepened when he made a plan. Though it was a little childish, he really wanted to make this Christmas special. For Alec. To show him that he had learned from his mistakes. To show Alec how much he meant to him. To show Alec that he loved him. _Loved_ loved him. In all the right ways. 

Clary’s stories had sounded so nice, and her mentioning of spending the day with the most loved one had stirred something in him. Something that had unfolded when he had seen Alec crouched on the floor, slowly bleeding to death. 

He would prepare a nice breakfast for Alec in the kitchen and wake Alec with coffee and waffles in bed. And he would assign a fake mission to Alec, but not to himself, so that he had time to sneak out of the Institute and buy something for Alec. What that could be he had no idea, but he was sure to find something. Something _romantic._ Jace snorted at that thought, but for Alec he would try his best. The mission had to be a fake one, but believable. There was no way in hell he would let Alec go alone on a real mission without him. Not after what had happened yesterday.

Jace felt his own breathing getting deeper, while he pictured what he wanted to do with and to Alec the next day. He closed his arms around Alec a little tighter before he let sleep take over. 

When he woke up again, Alec was still deep asleep. Just like he had hoped. Carefully, he slipped out of the bed so as not to wake Alec too soon. 

  
  


* * *

Alec needed a couple of minutes to be truly awake. He felt himself stir in his sleep, his hands reaching for something, his body seeking a warmth that had been there before. When his mind finally accepted that he was alone, he didn’t open his eyes at once. He kept them shut, just to be able to pretend a little longer that he wasn’t. 

But when the cold stayed and just crept more into his bones, he opened them. Jace was gone. The spot where he had slept was empty, only a small depression in the mattress indicating that Alec hadn’t made everything up. Part of him wished he had. It would be more bearable than remembering what had happened yesterday. That he had nearly died. That Jace had saved him. That Jace had cared the way he had. That he had kissed him. That he was gone now. 

Alec stood up, sighing and inspecting his side, where only a small pink stripe reminded him of the nearly fatal wound. In a few hours the pink would be gone and nothing would be left from the day before. 

Alec pulled a fresh set of gear out of his drawer. Another sigh escaped him when he picked up his bloody gear, and after a short moment of hesitation, he threw it directly into the trash. If he could, he would set it on fire, to erase all memories. But he couldn’t, as this would surely set off an alarm. And a horde of Shadowhunters asking what was happening in his room was the last thing he needed. And it wouldn’t help anyway. The images of Jace showing up, saving him, showering him, kissing him were forever ingrained in his brain, ready to torment him with what had nearly happened but never would.

He stepped out of the room and before he could decide if he wanted to head directly to the training room or get breakfast first, he was already approached by Underhill.

“Alec, there is a mission you got assigned to. With me and Raj. There is unusual demon activity in Quadrant C, we have to check it out.” A mission. With Andrew and Raj _Great._ Just what he needed after yesterday. Head out with people he didn’t fully trust. But as he couldn’t tell anyone about their unsanctioned mission yesterday, he had no excuse. Assignment was assignment. So he just nodded. 

“Let me just quickly grab a bow. Let’s meet in five at the entrance.” 

Andrew nodded his understanding and left quietly. Alec changed his direction towards the Armory. In the corner of his eye he saw Jace exiting the kitchen with a tray of food. Waffles. His favorite. He was glad that Jace didn’t see him, but he truly wondered for whom Jace was carrying breakfast. Clary, probably. Who else?

Five minutes later Alec stepped out into the cold New York winter, a bow strapped to his back, a blade on his hips and Andrew and Raj on his heels. A cold wind blew mercilessly from the side, chilling Alec to the bones. Though the wind was nothing compared to the cold Alec felt since he woke up. Alec really hated this. 

* * *

“So where exactly was the demon detected?” Alec was close to losing his patience. Or better to say, today he had never possessed any. The area they had to scout was huge, and so far they hadn’t found a trace of that demon. Or of any demon activity at all.

“It should be right here.” Andrew frowned when looking down on the tracking device, where a red spot was blinking, indicating they stood practically on top of the demon. When in reality, they stood in the middle of nowhere. “I think it’s somehow broken.” Andrew added meekly, making Alec groan in frustration.

“Do tell. Nevertheless, we will scan the perimeter thoroughly. Andrew, you take the part over there. Raj, you head left. We will regroup in thirty.” Even though Alec was not the eldest, the others followed his command easily. Alec was a born leader. Whatever that meant. To Alec it meant that he was often judged the harshest. By the others. By his parents. And foremost by himself. He was not special like Jace or intriguing like Izzy. He was just Alec, so he at least tried to be the best version of himself. 

He had always trained harder than the rest, made it his responsibility to protect the others. The more it hurt that the others were now so ready to follow the lead of a totally inexperienced and reckless girl. But maybe he was even a little relieved. Relieved that the pressure on his shoulders would be gone if he didn’t have to lead anymore. If someone else would. Not Clary, she was not leader material, but someone he could trust. With his life. With his soul. With his everything. Someone like Jace. Alec flinched at the thought of his Parabatai. He was nearly glad when he met the others again, all stating that there was no demon activity whatsoever.

“Let’s head home.” Alec ordered, the others glady nodding and following him. At the beginning, Alec tried to follow the chatter of the other two. He even tried to show excitement when Raj told them about the perfect gift he had found for his girlfriend. Or be happy for Andrew when he announced that he was having his first date with someone called Lorenzo, who was apparently the greatest guy ever. But frankly, Alec didn’t care. He tuned their voices out, too lost in his own thoughts.

He wondered if this was all life had to offer him. Go on missions. Fight. Die. Listen to people he didn’t care about. Watch the people he cared about drift away from him. If this life was really worth staying for. They claimed to have a purpose. Protect the world from evil. But Alec was just sometimes so tired of it, and he asked himself if he were happier in a life without a purpose. Without a weight on his shoulder that pressed him down. He sighed silently while they got closer to the Institute.

Alec was glad when he was able to close the door to his room behind him. He frowned when he saw a small letter on his desk, recognizing Izzy’s handwriting at once. She had been invited to spend Christmas with Clary and one of her Mundane friends and was already gone to help them prepare for the party in the evening. 

Alec sighed. He was happy for her, but he had hoped to spend this time with her. To distract himself from the person he _wanted_ to spend this time with. Though, on the other hand, he also didn’t. Not when Jace would only pretend that yesterday hadn’t happened at all. The fact he had sneaked out of the room without waking him up was a clear indicator that this was what Jace wanted to do. So Alec didn’t want to spend his time with Jace. And therefore, he did everything to avoid him. At first, it was easy as Jace wasn’t even there. Not out on a mission, but out _somewhere._ A fact that didn’t bother Alec at all. Though it did.

But when Jace returned, Alec made sure to keep himself busy with important tasks that led him away from him. When evening approached, he hadn’t seen Jace for longer than a quick glance. With an empty feeling Alec closed the door to his room. He had accomplished his mission to avoid him, but it didn’t feel like a win. It felt more like a loss. Surely Jace was gone by now to celebrate with Clary. He threw himself on the bed, too angry and lonely to do anything else but stare at the wall.

* * *

The knock to his door was sharp and shook Alec out of his brooding state. He wondered who that could be at this point in time, believing the others to be gone already. He was on his feet, but before he could reach the door, it flew open. 

Jace stormed into the room with a gleam in his eyes Alec had rarely seen before. “Where the fuck have you been all day, Alec? You are avoiding me.” 

With two huge steps Jace was in front of Alec, but seemingly it wasn’t close enough. Jace stepped yet another bit closer, leaving Alec no choice but to retreat. 

There were so many things Alec wanted to say back to Jace. Where the fuck had _he_ gone after they had showered together and Jace had fucking _kissed_ him? How else should he have survived the day but by avoiding him?

But Alec said nothing. He just stumbled backwards while Jace was crowding into his space, until his back hit the wall behind him, leaving him no choice but to look up at Jace. The intensity with which Jace looked at him took him by surprise. His throat tightened, making every intake of breath difficult. Alec’s whole body reacted to Jace’s sudden closeness. Jace didn’t touch him, but the gleam in his eyes was enough to hold Alec exactly where he was: pressed against the wall. 

They stared at each other for long moments, both not able to look away, both not able to say anything. 

“Where have _you_ been, Jace. Where?” Alec bit his lip, wanting to look down, to avoid Jace, but he couldn’t. The power that radiated from Jace, the determination, and something entirely else, made it impossible for Alec to look away. Even though his words left him raw and exposed. But he was held captive. When he saw something flicker over Jace’s face, he wished he had stayed silent. Both knew that Alec didn’t mean only this morning. Or today. But this whole time. 

Jace closed his eyes briefly, giving Alec free - breaking the spell Alec had been under since the moment Jace had entered his room. But Alec stayed. Though part of him wanted to push Jace away, the bigger part wanted to draw Jace closer. To feel his fingers on his skin again. Just one more time. Alec was so angry at Jace. For letting him down. For choosing the girl over him. For playing with him. But no matter how angry he was, he craved Jace’s closeness more. The comfort only Jace could provide. 

“Not where I should have been. But I am about to change that. I am here now.” Jace’s eyes snapped open at his own words and the fire in them made a wave of heat run down Alec’s spine, curling into a hot ball in his belly. Jace reached out with his hand and Alec let him, even leaned into the touch. Nearly automatically, but surely not against his will. The moment they touched, something shifted between them. Something Alec hadn’t expected, but judged by the small smug smile that appeared on Jace’s face, Jace had. 

Jace let his hand run up Alec’s side, caressing his collar bone, mapping out his Deflect rune, before he followed his jawline to his ear and back again, until his thumb came to a rest on Alec’s lips. Jace’s smile faded and was replaced by hunger, his eyes not leaving Alec’s lips, captivated by the way his thumb pressed against them. Alec couldn’t help but open them, sucking in Jace’s thumb, making both of them moan.

“Fuck,” Jace groaned, while his body pressed closer to Alec. Before Alec could shy away, embarrassed by his erection that Jace would clearly feel scooping so close, Jace grabbed his wrist and pressed it next to Alec’s head against the wall, his fingers firmly around his pulse point. “It’s okay, Alec. It’s just you and me.” 

The pressure to his wrist, applied by _Jace_ , and Jace’s thumb in his mouth that played with his tongue, pressing down on it, rubbing circles over it, made Alec instantly calmer. But then Jace started to circle his hips, brushing their hard cocks together very deliberately, making Alec’s heart pick up pace. Jace grinned when he saw the blood pulsating in Alec’s neck vein. Alec felt him still grinning when his lips sealed around it and Jace started to suck. A helpless moan escaped Alec when Jace increased the intensity, making sure that a beautiful bruise would be visible for days. 

“Jace,” Alec mumbled around Jace’s thumb. 

“It’s okay, Alec. I’m here now. I’m here. And I won’t go anywhere.” Jace looked at Alec, pulling his thumb out of Alec’s mouth. His body didn’t move, but Alec could still feel his hip bones pressing against his. For the first time since Jace had entered, Alec looked away. 

“What are you doing here, Jace? Why are you not with Clary?” Alec sounded flat, but he couldn’t help the question. “It’s Christmas.”

Jace pulled away a little, but his hips were still pressed into Alec, his hand was still holding Alec’s wrist. He squeezed down on Alec reassuringly, though a confused expression had settled on his face. “Exactly, Alec. It’s Christmas. And as I tried to explain yesterday, it’s about spending the time with the one you love the most. And giving gifts.” 

Alec’s breath hitched in his throat. “So...” Alec’s voice trailed away, still not daring to really voice it. But he looked back at Jace, and seeing the expression in his eyes made Alec nearly choke, the lump getting bigger. 

“So I am staying to spend it with the person I love the most, Alec. With you. And yes. _Love.”_ Jace sounded sure, just a little hint of insecurity was shining through. “Or do you want me to go?” 

“No.” Alec didn’t need a second to answer. He didn’t want Jace to go. Of course he didn’t, when all his life he had only wanted for Jace to stay. He licked over his lips. “So you have a present for me, too?”

A smug smile was spreading over Jace’s face, while he let the hand that didn’t hold Alec roam over Alec’s body shamelessly. “I have. But you know, I thought I could get _my_ present first. And though I appreciate the effort to wrap it nicely,” Jace tugged teasingly at Alec’s old, black sweater, “I would very much prefer it unwrapped.” 

Alec blushed at Jace’s words, not quite sure what to do. He had never done something like this before. Stripped in front of someone when it meant more than applying runes or for training. “Fuck.” He didn’t mean to say it out loud, but when he saw Jace’s smile deepen, Alec realized he had. At least he hadn’t said _I’m fucked,_ but that was what he was. Figuratively, and soon literally. The thought got suddenly overwhelming and Alec started to tremble. Just very, very lightly on the outside, but his insides were shaking. 

“Hey, it’s okay, Alec. It’s me.” Jace sensed Alec’s insecurity and cupped Alec’s chin. “It’s you. It’s me. It’s us. Always has been, always will.” Jace intensified the pressure, letting his body push Alec a little more pointedly into the wall, his hands grabbing a little harder. It was the anchor Alec needed, the reassurance that with Jace, he would never get lost. At least not in a bad way. With Jace, he could stay.

The moment Alec calmed down, the moment Jace leaned in, pressing their lips together for their first real kiss. A kiss that was not chased or _parabataily,_ a kiss that was more than just the brushing of lips. A kiss that was everything. Gentle at first but when Alec opened his mouth, it grew more demanding, more feverish. Jace plunged his tongue into his mouth, taking possession of it, making Alec surrender to this kiss. Alec moaned shamelessly when Jace’s hand started to slip under his sweater, exploring his naked skin. 

Jace’s hand was still cold from being outside, but this time, Alec didn’t mind the cold. The coldness was soothing his burning skin, but fueling the fire that burned within. A fire only Jace could enflame - or diminish. The fire shone brighter the more skin Jace explored, the more his nails scratched over him, leaving red lines behind. When Jace used his fingers to tweak and pinch, to massage and caress, Alec’s whole body was set on fire. He needed more now. He needed to feel Jace. Everywhere. On the outside. But even more on the inside. 

Having lost his shyness, he pulled his shirt over his head, smiling when he heard the approving sound Jace made in the back of his throat. Jace was quick to disregard his own clothes, but never left his spot in front of Alec. Never making Alec feel unsafe. 

“Fuck, you are so beautiful, Alec. So beautiful.” Jace was quick to swallow down Alec’s sound of protest by kissing him, his tongue swiping against Alec’s lower lip until Alec opened up to let Jace in. Jace’s hand found its way back to Alec’s wrist, encaging it in a strong hold while his other hand trailed down Alec’s body. 

Their bodies were grinding against each other, both their cocks dribbling pre-come, making the sliding smooth with just the right friction to make both moan and groan, longing for more. Alec nearly screamed when Jace wrapped his hand around both their cocks and started to pump them in a rhythm that matched their snapping hips. 

“I want you, Alec. I want all of you. Every part of you.” Jace sounded as breathless as Alec felt, his desire reaching highs he had never thought possible. 

“Please. Yes.” Alec was not able to say more, but apparently he had said the right words, because he was rewarded with another deep, passionate kiss and then a soft command spoken against his ear.

“Turn around and spread your legs. Bend a little. Fuck, exactly like that. You look so fucking hot, Alec.” Jace’s voice was low and tainted with his own want. “You’re so good for me, Alec. So perfect.” 

The praise chased all insecurities Alec had felt due to this new position away. Being good for Jace had always been the thing he had wanted. “Please, Jace.” Alec begged, not caring that he did. His body needed Jace’s hands back on him, fuck, he needed them _in_ him. He had never touched himself there, but he knew that was what he needed. 

Jace let his hands run down Alec’s spine, rubbing a comforting circle over the small of Alec’s back. “This might sting a little,” Jace whispered while he spread Alec’s ass cheeks. Alec’s hole clenched when the cool air of the room hit the sensitive skin. 

“Relax,” Jace commanded, pressing soft kisses between Alec’s shoulder blades before Alec felt a lubed finger on his hole, rubbing it, coating it thoroughly. 

Alec’s forehead thunked against the wall when Jace stopped circling, but started to push in. A high-pitched moan escaped Alec’s lips when Jace breached him, the ring of muscles slowly giving in to the welcome intrusion. 

“Fuck, you are so tight.” It was more a growl than anything else. 

Fuck indeed. Alec moaned helplessly when Jace started to push in deeper, his fingers exploring his inner walls, rubbing over them, claiming his insides as before his hands had claimed his outside. As Jace’s soul had claimed him so many years back. Soon Alec started to push back onto Jace’s finger, trying to get him deeper into his body. 

A soft, needy sound escaped Alec when Jace worked another finger into him. At first the stretch burned a little, but was soon replaced by the pleasure of feeling fuller, of having more of Jace inside him. He loved the feeling of being breached, the way his body made way for Jace. His moans turned into a small yelp when Jace added a third, the stretch impossibly wide. But when Jace crooked his fingers and hit a spot in Alec he hadn’t known was there, Alec started to rock back onto Jace again, pleading silently for him to find the spot again. 

Alec felt Jace’s smug smile against his skin while peppering his body with kisses, while his fingers fucked him thoroughly, hitting his prostate now with deadly precision. 

“Please, Jace. I need more now. I need you.” 

Jace chuckled lightly at hearing Alec’s little whine when he pulled his fingers out. He used the lingering lube to coat his cock, while still kissing Alec’s back. “Turn around. I need to see you.”

Alec complied, not questioning any order Jace was giving him right now, just happy to do what Jace wanted. Happy to give him the control to get what he himself wanted. Jace immediately grabbed for his waist to pull him close, before he slid his hands down to Alec’s hips. Alec gasped when Jace lifted him up as if he weighed nothing, but the display of Jace’s strength made Alec’s blood boil even more. Jace’s body lit up golden with the force of his runes, dipping the whole room into a soft glow. 

Alec’s body just went with the flow. He tilted his body back until his shoulders were pressed snuggly against the wall, wrapping his legs around Jace’s waist. Jace wasted no time but started to push himself inside Alec’s well worked-open hole. Alec’s grip around Jace’s shoulders tightened as Jace pushed deeper into him and his body sunk onto Jace’s cock, letting himself be split open.

Jace’s breathing hitched, clearly struggling for control not to just slam into Alec. But Alec needed more than slow. He needed rough now. He needed to feel Jace with every inch of his body. He needed Jace to carve a place into him, a place that would only ever belong to Jace. Lost for words, Alec opened his side of the bond completely, hoping Jace understood. And he did. Having Alec’s permission, he started to move for real. His thrusts made Alec’s back grate against the wall, but Alec didn’t care or feel that. All he felt was Jace’s cock sliding in and out of him. 

His nails were digging deep into Jace’s flesh, as he clung to Jace, letting Jace dictate the speed and the intensity. Alec’s mouth fell open when a particular hard thrust hit his prostate and he could feel the smugness radiate from Jace for making him moan and groan shamelessly. Their foreheads nearly crashed together when Jace sped up again, slamming into him more forcefully with each thrust.

Alec’s eyes rolled back in his head when Jace started to suck another bruise into his throat, just next to the one he had left earlier. Alec gasped when Jace removed one of his hands to grab his cock, holding him just with one arm. Jace grabbed the tip and twirled his wrist, corkscrewing his cock with just the right pressure. Alec felt his orgasm build deep in his belly, warmth spreading, until he came with a soft gasp, spilling all over Jace and himself. 

Jace stilled his movements and just held Alec, waiting for him to stop shaking. Then he looked at him, a loving smile on his lips that was reflected in his eyes, before he kissed Alec deeply. 

Without slipping out of Alec, he tightened his grip and pulled Alec off the wall. Alec closed his arms around his shoulders, resting his head in Jace’s nape, letting himself be carried to the bed. When Jace let him down gently, Alec opened his legs wide to give Jace enough room.

Jace smiled down on him, before he kissed him again. As feverish as their first kiss had been, as soft and dreamy was this kiss. The urging of their bodies and souls to unite was sated, and with Jace still inside of him Alec felt secure and safe to start to explore Jace’s mouth on his own. He bit tenderly down on Jace’s bottom lip, moaning in a pleased way when Jace opened for him. Their tongues slid against each other and both made a content sound deep in their throats. Jace tasted sweet now, strangely innocent and Alec knew it was a taste that would linger on his tongue forever.

“You’re glowing,” Jace murmured while licking over Alec’s jaw to make his way down to admire the bruises on Alec’s throat. Alec just huffed, but leaned into the soft brushing of Jace's lips and tongue.

“No really, you are glowing.” Jace laughed at Alec’s huff. And Jace was right. Alec was glowing, with the same golden glow that was coating Jace. 

“Our bond is glowing,” Alec whispered, knowing he was right when he said it. The shine came from within, from the spot where their souls were joined. “So much for a curse,” Alec hummed in awe, while he just took a minute to admire their joint bodies. There was no way that this feeling could lead to a curse. All Alec felt was completion, a fulfillment he had craved for so long. 

When Jace, who had stayed inside him the whole time, started moving again, Alec felt even more complete. As satisfying as the rough sex against the wall had been, as fulfilling was it now. 

Jace rocked into him gently with small, careful thrusts, reaching spots in him the forceful pounding before hadn’t, shaping Alec’s insides a little more like Jace. The intimacy of it, the pleasure that ran through him every time Jace pushed into him, made Alec hard again. Jace smiled his cocky grin when he grew aware of it, a smile that reached his eyes instantly, making them glow in a soft gold. 

While their bodies moved in sync, Jace’s lips never left Alec’s body. When he was not sucking a mark into his skin, he kissed his nape, collarbone or lips, taking his time to make Alec truly come undone. Their hands were entwined and Alec loved to feel Jace’s weight on him, to feel his muscles work under his bare skin. From time to time Jace’s thumb brushed over Alec’s palm in a soft circle, the tenderness of the touch making Alec fall apart even more. 

“Mm, I’m close, Alec. Come with me. For me.” 

Alec groaned at the command, but he couldn’t help but want to comply. But he needed more. As if Jace knew, he picked up pace, slamming into Alec more forcefully. Each thrust hit his prostate, making Alec arch his back and meet Jace’s hips halfway. 

With a groan Jace pulled out one last time, before he shoved into Alec as deep as possible, burying his head in Alec’s nape. The orgasm that hit Alec through the bond nearly pushed him over the edge as well, but it was Jace’s whispered _now_ that did the trick, making Alec come with a soft cry. 

They stayed like that for a long time, just enjoying their proximity, before Jace pulled out with a sigh, the same sigh Alec felt. But Jace didn’t go far, he just rolled off Alec, grabbed one towel that lay there from Alec’s earlier shower and cleaned them briefly, before snuggling up to Alec, closing his arms around him. 

He pressed a kiss to Alec’s temple, before his lips found Alec’s. The kiss was sweet and loving, but not less passionate than the ones before. 

“Are you okay?” Jace asked softly, watching Alec intently. 

Alec shifted a little in Jace’s arms to be better able to look at Jace. “More than okay.”

“Good. I really loved my present,” Jace said with a wink, his finger running teasingly over Alec’s face. 

Alec groaned and blushed at that, but he couldn’t deny the warmth that spread in his belly. He didn’t really mind being Jace’s. 

“You want to be mine, don’t you?” The playfulness faded into something serious when Jace cupped his chin and turned Alec to look at him. 

“Of course. I’m already yours.” Alec’s eyes didn’t leave Jace’s, the radiant smile on Jace’s face making his heart pick up pace. 

“And I’m yours,” Jace whispered, before he pulled Alec close again, wrapping him up in his arms. 

“Soo…,” Alec said while pressing a little closer to Jace. “What about my present?” 

Jace had to suppress a yawn. “Gifts are for tomorrow morning.”

“Hey, that’s unfair. You already got yours.” Alec tried to elbow Jace, but he was too close. Instead, he huffed. 

Jace just laughed at him. “Well, I have _taken_ mine already.” His laugh intensified together with Alec's blush. “But to hell with Mundane traditions.” He pressed a kiss to Alec’s shoulder before he got up. Alec gulped when he saw the ease with which Jace moved around the room completely naked, strolling over to his belongings he had left on the floor in the rush to get naked. He would need a little time to get used to this. Despite, or maybe because, he had wanted this for so long. 

“Happy Christmas.” Jace settled down beside Alec, putting a rectangular package into his lap. 

Alec was curious what Jace might have picked for him. Carefully he removed the bow, before he continued to unwrap the present, feeling Jace’s intense glare on him. “Getting impatient?” Alec teased, enjoying this moment. 

“You know, I had it wrapped faster,” Jace commented dryly, trying to hide his nervousness.

“As if you wrapped it yourself,” Alec scoffed, making a show of loosening the sticky tape and unfolding the paper, dragging this moment out as long as possible. 

“Fair. But I _did_ choose the wrapping paper.” 

Alec laughed, bending over to press a kiss to Jace’s lips, the ease with which he did this surprising them both. “And it’s very beautiful.” 

Jace just groaned. “Could you just…?” 

Alec laughed again, but complied. He unwrapped his gift completely. For a moment he just stared at it. It was a book. But not just any book. Nearly tenderly he let his fingers run over the title. _Folk-Lore and Fable_. And it was not just any edition. It was exactly the same edition he once possessed. The Harvard Classics Edition from 1937.

“You remember,” Alec said softly with a throaty voice. 

“Of course I do. How could I ever forget? I think this was the first time I saw Maryse for what she truly was. It was the first time I really saw how she treated you. And don’t you dare say that she was right or that you deserved any of the shit she put you through,” Jace warned, his voice dropping dangerously low. But the way Jace slung his arms around him, plastering himself against his back made it clear how he meant it. Not as a threat to Alec. Just a threat to his insecurities. 

“It was a gift from my grandma. I barely knew her, but I remember that she was nice. Warm. I don’t remember when she gave it to me, I just remember that she did, shortly before she died.” Alec brushed over the title again, leaning a little further into Jace. 

“And _she_ destroyed it. No, worse. She made _you_ do it. Because she thought you got distracted with reading Mundane things and neglected your studies. I loved when you read to me.” Jace said softly, cradling Alec a little closer.

“Yeah. I kind of stopped reading after that incident. It’s strange. We never talked about it.” Alec admitted, suddenly feeling a little sad.

“Maybe you should start. And we. You start reading again and we start talking. I was so afraid of having lost you, Alec. I need you.” At Jace’s words, Alec craned his neck to be able to look at Jace, the seriousness in Jace’s mismatched eyes surprising him. 

“We will. Talk. And you’ll never lose me. I love you. But I can’t lose you either, Jace. Not now that I finally have you. I need you to be able to stay.” Alec kissed Jace, straining his neck but not caring, hoping Jace understood what he wanted to say. He needed Jace. To stay. Not only to be alive, but to be able to stay in _this_ life. To carry the burden he was supposed to carry. To just carry on. He needed Jace to hold him close. To love him the most. 

“You’ll never lose me. You’re mine. You belong to me, even more than I belong to myself. I love you, Alec.” Jace smiled while deepening the kiss, before he opened his legs to pull Alec close, scooping them both up together until he rested against the headboard with Alec on his chest. “Read to me, please?”

Alec sighed happily, while he drew a blanket over them and adjusted himself a little to find a comfortable position. He took his book and flipped to the fairy tale he knew Jace loved the most. Hänsel and Grethel from the Brothers Grimm. Alec had always wondered why Jace liked this one the best. If it was because the siblings fought off the witch on their own without help, or if it was because the siblings always had each other’s back and were never alone. Probably both. 

When Jace started to card through Alec’s hair, Alec sighed deeply again. Maybe, he didn’t hate Christmas that much after all. A small impatient tug made him smile, but he got the hint and started to read. 

“Hard by a great forest dwelt a poor wood-cutter with his wife and his two children….” 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are loved 💙


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